Sorry, Baby
williamgu January 8, 2013Sorry, Baby , Sorry, baby, I lied. I lied to you.
It’s true. The worst thing about it, I don’t even feel bad. It’s just what I do. I lie. Second-nature some call it. I cannot face the truth of my reality so everything becomes a story.
I am a lying liar who lies.
I mean, I’m not evil. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m not going to apologize but I’m not going to say I did a good thing. It’s just what I do. The scorpion and the frog, yo.
Not everything has been a lie. Seriously, I hate Cresselia. If I could erase her from every Pokémon cartridge ever, I would. Honestly, Darkrai’s my bro and she is on a mission to harsh his dark mellow. Dag girl, can’t you cut a dude a break?
Back to business, though. I write these articles, I seek to entertain, to inform, yet, still I feel the need to lie.
Are you ready for it? Can you handle the heart break or jubilation? One moment more . . .
I don’t hate Dragon-types.
Sup? You’re not surprised? You caught me macking on Kyurem back there and got a little suspicious? You’ve heard me wax on about my super bro Zekrom? My shock when N would be willing to give up his Reshiram?
Oh well, be that as it may, deal with reality as it is handed to you. I’ve got one more card to play though – my favorite dragon.
You think you know him? You think you know what’s up? You don’t know a damn thing, son.
Dragoneon, the eighth eeveelution. The Noble Pokémon.
Have you ever evolved your Eevee into a Dragon-type? Much like Leafeon and Glaceon it is location dependent – you have to be in a “Dragon infused” location and level up your Eevee with a full party of other Dragon-types. It’s kind of like Eevee is getting inducted into the order of Dragon-types.
Dragoneon has the same base stat numbers as the other eeveelutions, but in its own unique arrangement – Speed is highest at 130, HP next at 110, Attack is 95, Defense is 65, Special Attack is 65, and Special Defense is 60. I would recommend an Impish nature – sacrifice Special Attack and give Defense that extra boost it deserves. Try for IVs in Speed, Attack, and Defense, and EV train primarily across Attack and Defense (with a little extra towards Speed). You’ll have yourself a sweet physical pounder who’s speedy to boot!
You have two choices for Dragoneon’s ability – Mold Breaker or Pressure. Personally I prefer Pressure to help shorten a protracted battle.
Of course, a Pokémon as awesome as Dragoneon has to have a major drawback. Those of you in the know already know, I know. It’s a physical attacker. The best Dragon-type moves are all special, not physical. Don’t fret, though – give the dude some credit. Keeping with STAB I definitely would say give Dragoneon Outrage and Dragon Tail, the first a powerful physical attack and the second an attack that will mess with your opponent’s strategy (and, unlike Roar, a move that will actually cause damage). Without a doubt, Dragon Dance is a must – bumping up Dragoneon’s already high Attack and Speed stats – how many of those can you work in? Finally – how to resist those horrible Ice-type attacks? Dragoneon can learn Flare Blitz – may as well. If you see an Ice-type hanging out there, fire off that Flare Blitz quick, take it out, take the damage, and move on with your life.
Any time a Pokémon has Outrage as a move I usually recommend holding a Persim berry. If your Outrage volley doesn’t KO your opponent you’ll be able to get another round off without the confusion. Of course, if you are scared of an Ice-type, a Fire Gem may be your hold item of choice.
I feel it necessary to point out that Dragoneon can also learn Fissure – use that information as you will.
So that’s it. The second time in my life I’ve been outed but at least I did it myself this time. How do you feel? Jaded? Betrayed? You can finally relax now knowing the truth that yes, indeed, I do love Dragon-types? What else have I been keeping from you, boo? What else?
Written by William
@washinthesink
Proofed by Jared
@jaredtheunseen
Comments (3)
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That was absolutely beautiful. One of the best articles ever.
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Beautiful. I love being lied to.
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You and every guy I’ve ever dated, Justin.